When in doubt, GO GOLFING!!!!

Too good not to post

2007-04-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, DarrellScott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High Schoolshootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the HouseJudiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leadersduring this special session of Congress was painfully truthful.They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well.It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician,every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! Thesecourageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, anddeeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voicecrying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in thehearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or theseeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott,and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children whodied must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers."The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abelout in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was itthe NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, andthe reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart."In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at howquickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am nota member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I amnot here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe thatthey are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believethat they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to dowith Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- itwas a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where thereal blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of theblame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves.

Iwrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. Thiswas written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!"

Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, andspirit.
When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, wecreate a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in andwreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educationalsystems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major collegesbegan as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What hashappened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in sodoing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something asterrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately lookfor a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass morerestrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private
liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan wouldnot have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stopsomeone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The realvillain lies within our own hearts.

"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw histwo friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to prayin school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! Ichallenge every young person in America , and around the world, torealize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer wasbrought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered bythose students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with asacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right tocommunicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at theNRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine yourown heart before casting the first stone!My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of thiscountry will not allow that to happen!"Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech..Please send this out to everyone you can.

One for my good friend Terri

2007-04-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Terri Terri quit contrary,
Is having a bad day, and not feeling marry

To make her laugh, will be my goal
Maybe I’ll dance, around a little pole

Get up on stage, and look like an ass
Then again, maybe I’ll pass

I’ll leave it up, to those stripper ho’s
Their skimpy outfits, and nappy afro’s.

Political correctness, is not my thing
But what do you expect, when your outfits a string

Oh wait, Terri wears those too,
But at least she doesn’t sport, the 6 inch platform shoe

Terri’s tall enough, she could be a stripper
She could make a killing, as long as we tip her.

I may be straight, but you better believe
Terri is very pretty, and she doesn’t have a weave

Flowing blonde hair, now who wouldn’t like that
Slender long legs, with a stomach that is flat

OK, now I think I’ve gone too far
Maybe I should just take her, to the nearest bar.

We will have a few drinks, and have us a chat
Keeping our cloths on, and our dignity at that.

That is of course, until Terri has more than four beers
Then she wants to act, like she’s Brittany Spears.

Shakin her ass, on the dance floor
Maybe shave her head, and act like a whore.

Now wait a minuet, you must know this isn’t true
Terri may get a little crazy, but nothing like this would she do.

Terri is a good girl, or so she wants you to think,
She is in her 40’s, but her parents don’t know she drinks.

Her mom only see’s a halo, and her dad just see’s a crown
If only they new the trouble, she used to reek on the town.

Her and her older sister, could certainly do no wrong,
Making all the guys crazy, with her itty bitty thongs.

Enough about her underwear, this is suppose to make her smile
But with that wedgie up her crack, it may take a little while.

HOLY CRAP, that must be it
That’s why she’s pissy, and feels like shit!
Get that thing, out of your ass
Then you can decompress, and let out your gas.

Maybe wear some heels, to help things move along
And when you get dressed tomorrow, I wouldn’t wear a thong.

One for I Eat Snowman Poop

2007-04-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

One for I Eat Snowman poop inspired by the post "More Stuff About me."

You call your cat’s Bitches, so what do they call you
Probably that whore, that likes to eat poo.

“O Captain, My Captain,” and Annabelle Lee,
Your two favorite poems make me have to pee.

You rarely wear yellow, and you don’t really know why
Maybe it is Big Bird, as a child he made you cry.

You should take him to court, you could be on TV,
It is only then, that maybe you will see.

Why people are obsessed, and can’t stop watching
Judge Judy and Wapner, as they just keep talking.

Maybe some Vodka, is just what they need
Lucky for itty bitty, you didn’t drop your speed.

Poor little kitty, he got a little drunk
But it’s better than the dog, that took a ride in your trunk.

You laugh at all the bikers, when you think it looks like rain,
In hopes that they will get wet, and the droplets cause them pain.

We are truly beginning to see, who you really are
Even though yours works, you’re getting a new car.

Selling your old one, is proving to be tricky
People are demanding, and getting pretty picky.

You offer up your boob, to try and drive the price
Dan will cop a feel, but Terri had to think twice.

I would buy your car, but I have bad news I’m afraid,
Wal-Mart just called me, and said I didn’t get paid.

They said some stupid bitch, wrote them a bad check
And now it’s all my fault, and they treat me like Shreck.

I bet it was you, and now you owe me money
You may be laughing now, but I promise it isn’t funny.

I will get you back, just don’t you worry
I’ll wait until your drunk, and your visions a little blurry.

Now who am I kidding, you know I can’t stay mad
You gave me box of Ziplocks, and for this I am Glad.

There not quit like heaven, but what they may contain
Could be considered, candy for your brain.

You are an odd duck, even stranger than Sue
Especially with a name, like “I eat Snowman Poo.”

A poem for Logziella

2007-04-18T14:04:00.001-07:00

Logziella posted a blog about some random things people may not know about her and the list was quit funny so here is a little poem I wrote for her.

Black olives are gross, or that’s what you say
But have you ever tried them fresh, off the trees’ in May?

I had some in Greece, and they were beyond compare
But if I ever have any children, I know now to beware.

Thanks for the heads up, I can use all I can get
A toothbrush at your house, I will never forget.

You say you feel bad, but I’m sure you had a grin
The whole time you were scrubbing, that toilet bowl brim.

Your phobia of phones, there’s no words to say
Thank goodness for blogging, your fear goes away.

I don’t understand, and won’t pretend I do
Talking on the phone, is one of my favorite things to do.

Mommy land is a place, I have yet to explore
But I think I’m almost ready, I have plastic spoons in the drawer.

Gabriella is precious, and quickly growing up
Bottles will be gone soon, to be replaced with a sippy cup.

The day will arrive, when she starts to talk
Get out the baby gate, she’s starting to walk.

God’s little angel, sent down to you
A special little sister, for the other two.

Your family is beautiful, what can I say
Watch who you eat with, the FBI could be on their way.

In Response to Reggie's Post on Germs

2007-04-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks a lot Reggie, I will never eat again.
Well maybe just an egg, if it's straight from the hen.

A germaphobe I was, and now it's times 10
McDonalds OR Wendy’s, I may never eat again

Now that was a lie, I must fully admit
Who could give up, all that greasy shit

Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow
But soon I’ll run out, of all my willpower

I’ll still use the drive through, I think the best bet
Less chance of getting germs, and the floors are still wet

I think I failed to mention, I’m afraid of water too
That’s why you’ll see me walkin round, in 5 inch platform shoes

A day in my life, might quit possibly be
The most ridiculous thing, you will ever see

Don’t step on a crack, or go under a ladder
And don’t forget the soap, after emptying your bladder

Wash your hands three times, and then wipe them down
Don’t touch the door handle, without your sleeve down

You people laugh now, but if only you could see
The microscopic germs, that keep attacking me

I swear they are there, I’m not completely crazy
But then again those shots, are making things a bit hazy

I better get home, it looks like it might rain
I can’t let that acid, eat away at my brain

Good thing I brought my helmet, I knew it would come in handy
If I could only remember the words, to Yankee Doodle Dandy

Skip home I will, skip home I must
It’s Friday again, and I must go dust.

Ray Ray and T-DIz out on the town.

2007-04-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

When we go out, on the town
You hang with us, your guaranteed no frown

I'll get drunk, I love Bazooka Joe's
Sit around, make fun of the hoe's

Not the garden rakes, that would be no fun
The kind that see a popo, then take off there shoes to run

After a few more drinks, we may think we can dance
The librarian or chips, either way your takin a chance

Of fallen in love, cause we are the shit
and I'll tell ya right now, it's not because your lit.

It's a gift we discovered, 10 months ago
T-Dizz and Ray Ray together, equals bustin a flow

Now don't get up, in all our kool-aid
We want more from a guy, than just gettin laid

Open the door, it's the old fashion thing to do
and if you are gonna buy us a drink, go ahead and make it two

Now it's gettin late, and about time to call it a night
Maybe we will make it home, without Ray Ray gettin in a fight

She's a bad ass, and has some serious bling
I think a few of the bouncers, want to buy her a ring

We bust out our spinner watches ,and it catches your eye
We're as cool as super man, except we can't fly

Our super powers are centered, around being cool
If you need a few pointers, were opening a school

If your not to sure, you can come take a look
And if you live too far away, we should soon have a book

You can study all you want, but there is no guarantee
that you will ever be as cool, as Ray Ray and me

What can I say, it's tough being us
We even have a blue and orange party bus

Ray Ray use to pimp it, driving around Ox's b-ball team
But now we go to the bar, to blow off some steam

We will go out, but won't wait in line
Were VIP, and we don't pay a dime

If there's a new guy at the door, it will be alright
He will know our names, by the end of the night

We don't need to roll up, in a high class limo
We could take the Red Dragon, or an orange pinto.

T-shirt and jeans, no need to dress up
I don't need a tank top, to show off my double D-cup

We like to be comfy, no one to impress
But for special occasions, we'll put on a dress

We clean up nice, Ray does the "Ferggie" with her hair
I haven't shaved my legs, someone get the Nair

Now we're all cleaned up, and ready to go out
I better get going, it's gonna be a good time no doubt

For my girl Ray Ray- Dating still sucks

2007-04-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

Oh DJ, you use to be so cool
But the last few weeks, you have been acting like a fool

We don't understand, what went wrong
Were you offended, by Ray's rainbow thong

Don't you worry, she just likes the color
It was a special gift, made by her mother

Good old Kath, thinks Ray might be gay
Ray made a joke about it once, and now doesn't know what to say

Back to DJ, he's the reason for the poem
He likes to get drunk, and talk on the phone

They sit at Martini's, playin X-Box
When he needs a ride to Ray's, he politely asks Ox

You know she's sober, for this she is smart
She's just a freshman in collage, with a bad ass go cart

PT Cruiser, stands for a pimpin good time
OK maybe it doesn't, but it works with this rhyme

You and Ray, would stay up all night
you might be tired, by the time it's daylight

Like two night owls, with nothin to do
You could always put a fresh coat, of paint on our gold shoe

Oh DJ, you have two DUI"S
But with how much you drink, it comes as no surprise

I wish you well, I wish you the best
But when it came to Ray's heart, you failed the test

Shady people, there is just no time
But if you want to kiss some ass, just bring over a box of wine

I'm not sayin, things will get better
But if the wine doesn't work, try knitting a sweater

If I were you, I would just lay low for a while
If you try to talk to Ray, it may feel like your on trial

You hang out with the people, you say you don't like
Like Heath and Chels, maybe a guy named Mike

Either way, this shit's gettin old
As they say in Poker, Ray's gonna fold

You had some great times, and she started to like you
but you went f*ing crazy ,and now she is through.

Dating Sucks.

2007-04-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

A little about me.

2007-04-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl named Trisha
Some people called her the Disha
She loved to live life
someday wants to be a wife
But until then she will drink like a fisha

She once met a girl named Ray Ray
They played bingo and had a hay day
They were two of a kind
Who liked to unwind
Some people didn't know what to say say

At night they would hit up the bar
And everyone knows who they are
Tequila and lime
they have a good time
Too bad Trisha moved away so far

BLOG Virgin Alert

2007-04-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

Where to start and what to write, honestly I have never even read one of these blog things before but there are some people out there that think my life is something worth writing about. Even if you don‘t find it interesting, you will at least be able to get a good laugh out of me and my common theme of making an ass of myself on a regular basis. I use to get embarrassed about people laughing at me, but now I encourage it and will make an ass out of myself on purpose. I love making people laugh and fortunate for me I have an extremely sick sense of humor.
I am 26 years old, feel like I’m 40, look like I’m 20 (or 30, depending on the person looking at me) and have traveled to world more than most 60 yr olds. I have attended 3 different colleges, played woman’s pro-football for a year, and most recently just got done serving 4 years in the US Air Force where I flew around the world.
I have never been married but I have seen my dad get divorced 3 times so as you can imagine it is really kind of a scary thought for me. I am very opinionated but very open minded at the same time. Some say I am wise beyond my years, I say I am really good with BS. Honestly though, I tend to be the one my friends run to for advice and even though I may not have been in their particular situation, I do have a way to turn things around and look at them from another perspective. Sometimes I even end up giving relationship advice to couples, I wish I could tolerate 8+ years of school so I could be a real doctor but truth be told I can be lazy and I just plain HATE school.
I work full time for a loan company and go to school full time online so I stay pretty busy, but I can’t wait until I finish my BA degree so I never have to take another class again. Oh well I guess I shouldn’t complain, with the G.I. Bill paying my way I should consider myself lucky.
I write poetry but not what most people would expect. I like to rhyme and make jokes, I leaf the sap for the trees. (I know that was a stretch but whatever, it’s my blog!) Here is a little example of stuff I write and send to my friends, this one happens to be for my friend Ray and her parents dog (Emily) that came to stay At Ray’s house for a week.

The rents went away, and stuck you with the dog
She can be really sweet, or a total bed hog

Seven days, that's 6 days too long
If Emily doesn't leave soon, you will have to hit the bong

She whines all day, what's a girl to do
Maybe she's just hungry, or has to take a poo.

Once Kath gets back, you will be free
Of that sweet little shit, named Emily

She's not a bad dog, just a pain in the butt
But what do you expect, she's just a mangy mutt

A Boxer Bloodhound mix, every lesbian's dream
Put the names together and you will see what I mean

A box-hound, look there, who would have thought
That explains why, she sniffs girls a lot

Ok, now this whole thing is just getting sick
But it's not my fault, she doesn't like dick

I bet Heath and her, get along great
2 lesbians in the same house, it must have been fate

It's time for me to go, I'm running out of flow
This poem is getting lame, and there is only me to blame

Lata Lata, I must be rollin out
I'll write more later, that I have no doubt

Well there is a little example of my stellar poetry, I hope you enjoy it, there is more where that came from and it is actually what inspired me to even consider writing this blog thing. I can write a poem in a flash and have been known to use the bar napkins, but I usually just sit and write them during my down time at work. Sometimes if the office needs a good laugh I will just pick a topic and go with it. Apparently I thought it would be fun to write about telling your kids about the “Birds and the Bees”.

Being a parent, can sure be tough,
Especially when they start, asking about the muff

What's do you do, what do you say
Can't it wait 10 years, or at least until May

Where do you start, where do you begin
This will be little easier, if you have a swig of gin

The birds and the bees, that's what your parents said
But if you catch the “bird flue” you may wind up dead.

Now all this talk about animals, may seem a bit confusing
Let me try again, this time making it amusing

No more birds, and no more bees
I wish I could explain this, talking about trees

I guess I can, I guess I could
Here it goes, were gonna talk about wood

It can start a fire, it can start a flame
But you don't want to show yours, to just any dame

In case you are lost, I will give you a hint
This isn't the same kind of wood, you start with a flint

I see you're lost, you have that look in your eye
I was talking about the wood, you have behind your fly

It maybe small now, but you just wait
There's a good chance it will grow, on your first date

Don't be scared, I know what to do
Tell your date you're ill, and have a touch of the flu

Get home quick, and you won't get sick
Don't take off your pants, or do the horizontal dance

All these analogies, are getting a little old
I'm gonna try something different, and just be bold

Boys have a penis, and it gets firm
When they get excited, they will shoot out sperm

Girls have a vagina, it may smell a little
They have three holes below, one to poop bleed and piddle

Enough about that, I need another drink
Talking about this, is really starting to stink

Remember the hole, I said was made to bleed
It happens to be the same hole, you will plant your little seed

Nine months later, you may have made a little life
But you better make sure, the mom is your wife

If you have sex, before you have a ring
Even with protection, you can still catch THE THING

The THING I speak of, isn't very nice
You will have to cure it with penicillin and ice

Sexually transmitted disease, that's its name
It will make you sick, and may take you out of the game

Now you see why, it's important to me
I don't want you to catch a horrible STD

So go out, and have some fun
As long as you make sure, the deed isn't done

That's my lesson, for the day
Don't forget the consequences, of rolling in the hay.

Needless to say, no one from work has asked me to talk to their kids yet. WEIRD. So there it is, a little about me, no worries there is plenty more where this all came from. I haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet.